whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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