also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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