3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
