This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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