Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
