I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
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I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize