you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
