i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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