haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
