May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
