After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
