Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
