Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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