he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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