I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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