GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
