His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
