Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
