I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
