And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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