Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
that's an acceptable place to lick
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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