i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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