i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
