This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
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I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
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He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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