It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
