I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize