do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Congratulations! We have a period
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
