you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
