I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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