Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
