My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
