I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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