oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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