I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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