VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
