she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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