k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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