bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
