Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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