just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
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