All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
