we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
