I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize