ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
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i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
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I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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