I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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