I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
