Got a toothbrush?
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
