sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
