1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
