my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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