the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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