My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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