I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
