life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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