Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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