its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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