So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
