Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
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It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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