I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Randomize
