I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
