He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's shark week go big or go home
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
