I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
