They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize