After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
