I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I want her autograph on my taint
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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