I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
