when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!