I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
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don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
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I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!