Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
