Umm I'm too high to move.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
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I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.