Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference