Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
