he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
