I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
