Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
