Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
