I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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