eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
