His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
