I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
