shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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