What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
