So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
